Monday, March 27, 2006

God called me up today, very upset over what one of His hairless apes have done. I can always tell, because He tries to get myself upset as well, so that when the offending monkey arrives down here, I'll have a special treatment lined up for him.
"So, Yahweh, what has upset you today?"
"Oh, it's nothing really. I've noticed that George W. Bush is still torturing people." He knows I don't like humans to torture each other. It take all the fun out of torturing them down here if they're already broken in. "He's turning Bagdad into a worse place than your's, what with all the bombings and killings and fires." This is when I realize that He must really be upset with this Bush monkey. When He starts to try to push my buttons-I hate it! So now I have to figure out just what it is that has the Big Guy so upset.
"So, Yahweh, what did this Bush monkey do to you?" He hates it when I refer to humans as monkeys. So then He proceeds to let it all out. It seems that this Bush claimed he talked to God, which is not unusual, a great number of humans 'talk' to God, when the reality is, they always want something from Him. But like any other site that receives a large number of requests, He just can't respond to every one. So when this Bush fellow claims God told him to invade Iraq, God became angry.
"I never said any such thing. You know I don't get involved in human wars. I can't take sides."
"Do you want me to do something rotten to him?"
"Could you? I'd owe you!"
Sure, that's all I need-more work. Giving the Big Guy a solid like that, it's hard enough coming up with punishment for all these other hairless apes, now I have to come up with something special for one of the monkiest of all the hairless apes? I know his granfather, the Nazi collaborator is down here, hmmmm. What can I do? I'll have to think about that. In the meantime, I've got souls to punish.

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