Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Sometimes I think this place is filling up too fast with Americans. Americans spend their whole life putting demands on everyone and they think it carries over to the afterlife-wrong. Down here, I'm in charge, and if you don't like it guess where you can go? (Hint:You're already there you American Bozo)
There was a time when the Seven Deadly Sins were taught as something to avoid, now in America, they are celebrated. I don't when they decided they could pick and choose which parts of their faith they could follow, but it's quite funny they choose to have faith at all. Greed, Gluttony, Lust, Vanity, once shunned by decent church going Americans have become the basis for their whole culture. And I know who to thank-me! It all started when I was working advertising back in the fifties. That's when I slowly began to appeal to women's vanity-it worked!
Every guest down here is here for a reason. Those who have offered their soul in a Faustian bargain generally end up in the River of Fire. But for those who end up down here because of a Deadly Sin, I have special tortures worked out for them.
The first thing women want to see when they get down here is a mirror. Of course one of the more subtle tortures for the vain is the absence of mirrors. A whole eternity of a vain person never getting to see how they look-I thought of that! The American women start complaining right away about that, but a couple of jabs in the hindquarters with a pitchfork puts an end to that. Then I bury them neck deep in a compost heap for a couple hundred years and let the worms get to work on them . They burrow in the skin and eat the sweetest parts of the flesh. The apes hands are buried deep in the compost (which is really centuries of worm dung from the millions of vain people sent here for eternity) so they can't brush them away, or scratch when it becomes itchy. After fifty years or so, they stop turning to each other to ask "How do I look?"
But now, the American men are getting into the whole vanity thing as well. I believe it's called the "metrosexual" look. They frequent hat makers, or crow about how "chicks really dig me" without a thought to how vain they are. Yes, I started that as well. Like a dandy, they put gel in their hair, get manicured, things that real men wouldn't have done forty years ago. Everything they do, from the car they drive to the beer they drink has been programmed into their vanity impulses. There is no practicality anymore-image is everything!Looking good is feeling good about yourself, and the better you feel about yourself, the more vain you are.
So I think I need to expand a bit down here. Like I say, there's too many Americans. I wonder if I can start annexing part of Purgatory?


Blogger CTB said...

Wow. The devil has a blog. Pleased to meet you.

Ever hear that song "What if God Was One of Us"? By Joan Osborne? "Just a stranger on a bus...What would you ask if you had just one question?"

So here is the devil, and now I can ask: Is there a highway to hell?

5:05 PM  
Blogger CTB said...


A hellish link-spread the word. Its a campaign.

5:05 PM  
Blogger I'm The Devil, Who The Hell Are You? said...

Pleased to meet youActually, those words are attributed to me.
Rolling Stones-Sympathy For The Devil

6:53 PM  
Blogger qrswave said...

no mirrors - excellent idea!

7:50 PM  
Blogger I'm The Devil, Who The Hell Are You? said...

Oh by the way, Miss Boot (or whatever your name be), there is no highway to Hell (always must be capitalized please), however the road to Hell is paved with good intentions.

6:30 PM  

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