Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Today in Hell we were visited by Dick Cheney, on his tour to sell the Iraqi war. Hey, Dick, you don't need to sell me on death and destruction, especially when your killing God's children, the Muslims. Dick is still upset because I didn't take the life of the lawyer he shot, and I told him death is God's thing, I just lead people into temptation and things like that.
Also Ronald Reagan came in to my office to complain again, hey, if he doesn't like watching those movies, he should never have made them! He also wondered if we always had to watch American Idol, to which I responded, why not. He hemmed and hawed about how the show should be about him, but I needed to remind him that these people sing without soul for a reason, right before I took Justin's call about his terrible luck being a singing waiter. "Listen you," I told him, "you only have one soul, and you traded it with me for a chance to be on the show."
Then in the afternoon, God called, and wanted to reschedule the Rapture again, as the unholy Christians are killing all his Muslim children, and he was running low on virgins.Yeah, yeah, yeah, the same old song and dance, Yahweh, perhaps if you spent more time making virgins and less time throwing violent storms at the parts of the world that displease you, you'd have more virgins. So I agreed to pencil it in for April 23, 2010.
Well, I must be off. I need to get my bowling shoes shined. Tonight is bowling with Milosevic. Well, his head anyway. TTFN

3 Comments:

Blogger sideshow bob said...

I hope Dick didn't run into Saddam down there. That would be awkward!

Oh well, I guess they call it Hell for a reason.

6:33 PM  
Blogger Kvatch said...

He hemmed and hawed about how the show should be about him...

You're sure that wasn't Rove? Lit by eternal flames, I bet they look the same, and anyway Vice President Coronary's got one foot in the grave already. Rove's pretty robust.

12:37 PM  
Blogger I'm The Devil, Who The Hell Are You? said...

Bob,
Dick knows Saddam is a little indisposed at the moment, but really, it's kind of like the Council on Foreign relations down here.
kvatch,
Are you trying to say I wouldn't recognize my own Son? Little Richard's got too much money to die now, and he keeps me stocked with fresh souls. Gotta keep him alive for that.

4:51 PM  

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