Monday, April 03, 2006

Jerry Garcia came up to me today, mad as a hatter. It seems that someone had stolen his old toilet. "Man, I left some fairly nasty stains in there,"said the former junk food afficianado, "and I don't want the world to see them." The toilet sold at auction to Goldenpalace.com , an online casino, and was stolen from a driveway, along with three other toilets and a bidet. Apparently the Golden Palace needed a royal throne.
"Man, I hope they at least put a new seat on it," remarked Mr. Garcia.
The hairless apes now practice idolatry, worship of people who are famous, but not necessarily saints-I love it! When you pay $25,000 for William Shatner's kidney stones, that's $25,000 that's not going to Him. Therefore, you have placed William Shatner above Him, and He doesn't like that!
I rather like it myself! Celebrities are the most unholy people on the planet, and to place them above Him-so evil! So when you steal something that belonged to a drug addicted junk food glutton because you have placed him above God-my dreams would be made of this! Two of His Commandments broken means someone is coming here, and you can be assured that I will let Mr. Garcia use their intestines to string his guitar, give him some LSD, and let him solo for a few thousand years.

2 Comments:

Blogger Neil Shakespeare said...

A most imaginative punishment, sir! Jerry Garcia using your intestines to string his guitar and then playing solo on them for a thousand years. Brilliant!

5:25 PM  
Blogger qrswave said...

yes, I rather liked that myself. Not for me, of course. But, it sounds like a fitting punishment for star struck fools.

7:14 PM  

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