Monday, April 24, 2006

Osama Bin Laden came up to me madder than a crack ho who just purchased baking soda. It seems Mr. Osama had a complaint. I immediately sent him to the office to fill out a HCF-15C2 form, because what would Hell be without paperwork-filled out in triplicate! Only after had he finished filling out the forms could I then listen to his complaint.
"Lucifer, those people are using me again!"he began. It's against the laws of common decency to use a dead person's likeness for financial benefit, and he was referring to the recent audiotape that popped up purporting to be himself. "I don't know who it is for sure, but I think your son Richard may be involved!" My Son? Richard B. Cheney? Involved in wrongdoing?-of course!
"You know how children are, Ossie," I replied, "No respect for the law nor the dead. But are they benefitting financially from this?"
"Halliburton is making lots of money off the war on Islam."
"And...?"
"Well, as long as they keep me alive with these audiotapes, not made by myself, the war on Islam shall rage forever."
"So what you're saying is that these tapes are like commercials, but instead of having you dance with a vacuum cleaner, they have you make some pronouncement to keep the American hairless apes frightened?"
"Yes, that is it exactly! You can see that in the forms you had me fill out!"
"Oh, I don't read those, we burn those-filling out forms is torture! I invented the 1040! What do you propose I do?" Now he gets real mad because he knows I won't do anything-I'm evil! What does he expect, I should turn on my own son? That's what you get for calling Jehovah Allah! He would do something about I'm sure, but Mr. Bin Laden isn't up there!
So, you know waht I did? I piped the recording into Osama's cell and play it on a loop-forever! Crazy old Muslim!

4 Comments:

Blogger AJ said...

O Dark One,

Yes, filling out a 1040 may be painful but the real torture comes after you have experienced the excitment of finding a competent tax attorney (@ $300.00/hr)
to beg on your behalf to the ghouls at the IRS to let you keep some of your stuff.

Indeed, why go through the bother of bothersome nasty "wet" work, when all you have to do is bleed someone to death?

By the way, I am still waiting patiently for my new truck.

8:10 AM  
Blogger I'm The Devil, Who The Hell Are You? said...

You haven't filled out the paperwork-in triplicate!

7:50 PM  
Blogger Lily said...

I'm feeling wicked and in need of some devil talk. But I was under the impression that you did pornographic needlepoint...my bad.

5:23 AM  
Blogger AJ said...

elizabeth,

..just how "wicked" are you feeling?

just curious.

11:44 AM  

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