Saturday, July 15, 2006

Sorry fans! I've been too busy to post as of late. One of my many duties, as you may well know, is programming for the Fox television network. You don't know how many situation comedy pilots I'vce had to watch with doofus dads that have hot teenage daughters and wives equally hot but trying harder to be the cool parent than the good parent. There's not enough aspirin in the world to remove the headache I have-massive!
Then a couple weeks ago, another prestigious visitor came who needed a "proper" welcome-Ken Lay! I took all his vital parts, teeth, eyes, tongue, and others and keep them in a jar on a shelf in my office. if ever he needs them, he must beg (which is hard when you don't have a tongue) me to borrow them so he can, maybe eat, or go to the bathroom! The jar is filled with tabasco sauce, so when he puts them back in-Pain!
Then I had reams of paper work to fill out-too many lawyers down here! When I finished that, it seemed somebody started another war with out clearing it with me-Damned Zionists! This has got all the "Christians" excited, as they think this is the start of the end times.
You know, the Bible warns of false prophets? Well, a lot of people in the United States believe these are truly holy men-as if! These are men who profess to speak with God, if He's too damn busy to take my calls, why would He take theirs? All they are doing is filing their coffers to build churches that glorify not Him, but themselves. If He wanted to build a church, he would just do it! He built the earth for Pete's sake, you think that simple architecture would be no problem! Any rich man who has hand out is just plain greedy!
Well, I hate to leave so soon after being gone so long-busy! I have to go and "edit" the next Ann Coulter book, so I need more sources to plunder!


Blogger AJ said...

Hey Devil, welcome back to the Free World!

I am assuming of course that your headquarters are in the United States, or at the very least Britain.

I too have been away. When the powers that be decide to drop you a note from the bowels of hell (IRS) requesting additional funding for future wars, one's literary and social needs tend to take second place. And speaking of lawyers you might be seeing soon- I have had the honor to further enrich a truly gifted Tax Attorney who had the forsight to study IRS code in school while I was drinking Heiniken and laughing at the nerds still in school.
There has got to be a pardox in that somewhere.

As far as Ken Lay is concerned, I do not mean to question your infernal intellegence, but you might want to run some DNA tests on the items you gathered from this individual. My guess is he confered with some of your very own lawyers to delay the invevitable for a few decades or so and is basking in the sun on an island near Fuji.
You should be receiving the paperwork soon.

Peace..Oh, sorry, I mean WAR!WAR!WAR! Glory!

10:17 AM  
Blogger I'm The Devil, Who The Hell Are You? said...

Ken Lay not dead? Then who's the guy shooting pool with Elvis and Jim Morrison?

11:00 AM  
Blogger Renegade Eye said...

Again are you sure Ken Lay is dead? No breath, pulse etc.

8:42 PM  
Blogger AJ said...

Hey Devil!

Since you have delayed the arrival of my brand new Ford Diesel 350, I have taken upon myself to be hired into the 8000 member Texas Church of the esteemed Rev. Hagee, who, not coincidentally has the up and coming David Brog, former chief of staff for Republican Sen. Arlen Specter, who just happens to be Jewish, offering his services.
Since the *very* Blessed Reverend has more money than God and has called for all-out war against IRAN it was only fitting that he received a "Hey bud!" from President Bush recently.

I figure if I can get in now, I will get connections to the top, receive my remunerations and THEN get my big red truck.

Of course, since you are the big guy, or one of the big guys, or at least bigger than me..I'ld ask your OK first.

7:07 PM  
Blogger I'm The Devil, Who The Hell Are You? said...

Why aj, I am flattered that you would ask my permission, but because Mr. Hagee is a war monger (in His name) he is really an agent of myself! Shhh! Don't tell a soul! So feel free to join his church send him money and praise his almighty God of War, but you still won't get your pick-up truck! In fact I doubt you will get anything from Mr. Hagee but a headache and a feeling of remorse for supporting such an evil entity! (Just look upon his face, does he not appear scarred? Evil!)

5:49 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home